Good vibes / Bad vibes

I went to the same school from the age of four to eighteen.  From there i went straight to university. I went through the system, I took the exams, i got the grades.  And then i stopped. For twenty one years my life had been pretty much mapped out for me, and i suddenly found myself in a position where i could do anything i wanted with my life.  Yes, there was a recession going on and it was quite possibly the worst year to graduate, but all the more reason to chase the dream - right? The world was my oyster, it should have been a time of liberation and anticipation.  The problem was, i was petrified.  

Being one for living in the present, my lack of life plan had never worried me until this point as it suddenly dawned on me that i perhaps should have prepared myself for the end of the student dream and first encounter into the real world a little better.  The problem with me trying to set a career path was that i could never actually picture myself in a working environment.  More specifically, i could never picture myself wearing a suit 9-5 for the rest of my life. In fact, i don't think i have ever had to wear a suit.  Four years ago i was bought an ugly black, knee-length pencil skirt for the office orientated interviews that my mum assumed i would be endeavoring to succeed in, and it is still hanging in the back of my wardrobe with the label guiltily attached.  Having written this out, it seems ludicrous that a year ago the only thing about my future that i was sure of was the fact that i wouldn't be suited and booted, but hear me out...

I am firm believer in clothes as a reflection of personality; how i dress is who i am and if i can't picture myself looking a certain way i am certain that that environment would have been an awkward, uncomfortable and unsuccessful one for me to be in - despite my capabilities in regards to what the work would entail.  I am lucky enough to work in an industry that i am able to wear whatever i want; i wear outfits that reflect my mood and would wear the same thing regardless of whether i was going to the office or Sainsburys. Whilst i lie in bed mindlessly flicking through the internet i picture from my wardrobe what to wear the next day, which more often than not leads onto me getting out of bed and trying stuff on.  Does the fact that i'm not a morning person make that a little less weird? The thing is, for me outfits very clearly have good or bad vibes.  It isn't a case of whether what you are wearing matches, neither is it dependent on the complexity of the outfit, but if it is complete and you are cheered by all components.  It is the difference between strutting down Regents Street, and smoking your cigarette a little quicker than usual as you shift around eye-contact. If i have a certain look in mind and wake-up to find that nothing fits in the way i would have thought it would, or one item is slightly disjointed i WILL get flustered and i WILL have a bad morning. 

Probably the weirdest thing of all?  This is my idea of fun. Sad, yes, but i've always been like this.  2005 was the first year that i was allowed to wear my own clothes to school, and never wore the same outfit twice.  I remember events from what i was wearing, which is probably the most useless application of a photographic memory, but can recall specifics from the last 4 years, along with if someone has borrowed an item of my clothing / is wearing something that i also own, and of course defining moments prior to this ie the awkward wedding, party where you got with the sexy boy...

Despite the fact that my education and paths that i have taken may have not explicitly led me to a career in fashion, i have always had a love affair with clothes through how they make you feel, convey a mood, and allow you to present yourself to others. It is the intangible that affects everyone, and to be able to make this affair my career and long-term partner is prettty cool.  Working in fashion meant taking a step away from my parents' expectations of me, and away from the money that i had naively expected to earn (recession or no recession). Of course i have made, and will continue to make decisions that i regret, but for the first time in my life i am able to stop hiding in the present and start making plans for the future. And wear what i want.